登陆注册
724500000020

第20章 爱上陌生人 (1)

To Love a Stranger

桑德·史密斯 / Sande Smith

A parent since she was fifteen, my seventy-six-year-old mother used to long for the day when she could just sit and do nothing. No more taking care of the children. No more worrying about whether there was enough money to pay the bills. No more responsibilities.

She got her wish. Every day now, she sits in a nursing home, tapping her fingers on her chair in a syncopated rhythm that reminds me of bebop, talking to herself about her father, who died when she was eight.

“Mildred... Mildred. ” I say.

She looks up at me, her eyes brighten, and her smile reveals snaggles like those of a five-year-old. “Come here, baby doll, ”she says.

I rush over to her, pull close a chair, and sit down.

“Hey, Mildred, how are you?” I don’t call her Mommy anymore. She doesn’t answer to Mommy.

My mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in 1984, right after I graduated from college. While in school, I saw signs that something was wrong. Often, when I would call home, she would be upset because she’d lost her money. “Mommy never loses her money.” I’d think.

I fought the disease. Through changes in doctors, diet, and medicine, and through the addition of Chinese herbs, my mother’s health improved. She lost seventy-five pounds and regained her ability to converse with other people. Yet, despite profound physical improvement, the Alzheimer’s continued to unravel her mind over the next six years.

I lived with my mother from 1984 to 1990, as the illness slowly took its toll. It was appalling to watch her change right in front of me. She didn’t just forget things. She became a different person—one whom I did not recognize. When my boyfriend would watch television, she’d walk in circles around his chair, muttering under her breath and scowling. She kept a hammer hidden in her room and wielded it at the slightest provocation. If she got out of the house, she’d refuse to come back in. Instead, she would run down the street, calling for the police to help her. She’d come to believe that she was a police officer—a conviction touched off by a letter inviting her to take the civil service test. Only another police officer could convince her to come into the house.

This is not my mother, I would tell myself. My mother had no interest in men;this person called men over to her window. My mother never cried, yet this woman broke into tears at the slightest thing. My mother always appeared polite and good-natured. This woman was quick-tempered and slightly paranoid. She moved magazines, silverware, dishes, and clothing around the house. When I asked about the objects, she’d become angry and yell at me for thinking she had done something wrong. She told me that other people, not she, had moved these things.

“Come here,” she’d say forcefully, grabbing my hand and pulling me into her room. “Listen. Do you hear them? They took it.”

To learn more about the disease, my sister and I attended groups for families of Alzheimer’s patients. We learned not to blame my mother for things she said or did. The Alzheimer’s was talking, not her.

As the disease progressed, my mother grew frightened. She’d say, “What’s happening to me? Why can’t I remember?”

Before Alzheimer’s, my mother never admitted fear or sadness to me. Now, she became strangely free with her emotions, crying when frightened, expressing anger when furious, and laughing when exhilarated. As I released my perceptions of who my mother was supposed to be, we both became calmer.

I used everything I could to stay connected to her as she lost the ability to engage in the hallmarks of linear life. My mother had always loved dancing. When I came home from work, I’d turn on Tina Turner or Janet Jackson, and we would dance and dance. I’d play her favorite songs on the piano, and she’d place her hand on top of the old upright and sing each note and every word perfectly.

同类推荐
  • 那些美好而忧伤的记忆(每天读一点英文)

    那些美好而忧伤的记忆(每天读一点英文)

    《那些美好而忧伤的记忆》选取亲情、友谊、爱情等主题美文,让你在阅读中,感恩那些你爱的、爱你的人们!《每天读一点英文》是一套与美国人同步阅读的中英双语丛书。该丛书由美国英语教师协会推荐,讲解单词、精华句型、翻译、检验阅读成果,升级英语能力!
  • 灵魂也有一席之地(英文爱藏双语系列)

    灵魂也有一席之地(英文爱藏双语系列)

    拥有信心,所有的事情才有可能成功。缺乏信心,即便是最微小的挑战,都会显得无法逾越,难以克服。本书收录的百则经典哲理美文,其内容涉及人生的方方面面,它们有的睿智凝练,让心灵为之震撼;有的灵气十足,宛如一线罅隙中奔涌而出的清泉,悄然渗入心田。
  • 那些年,那些诗(每天读一点英文)

    那些年,那些诗(每天读一点英文)

    《每天读一点英文:那些年,那些诗(诗歌卷)(英汉对照)》精选《乡愁》、《面朝大海,春暖花开》、《西风颂》、《一见钟情》等中外名诗,让你在诵读名句中,感受隽永的情谊!
  • 365天日常口语放口袋

    365天日常口语放口袋

    《365天日常口语放口袋》以简单、实用作为选材标准,内容取材十分广泛,均以生活中真实发生的实景为蓝本。以句型为基础,将各个单元主题中常见的句型进行归纳和讲解。
  • 那些妙趣横生的故事(每天读一点英文)

    那些妙趣横生的故事(每天读一点英文)

    《每天读一点英文·那些妙趣横生的故事》是一套与美国人同步阅读的中英双语丛书。特点有三:内文篇目收录了最精彩、最新鲜的笑话;“实战提升”部分,包括单词和词组、知道不知道,让你捧腹大笑的同时,丰富知识面; 附赠地道美语朗读MP3光盘。 本书幽默逗趣,文字浅显易懂,让你笑着学英文!
热门推荐
  • 汽车驾驶速成与禁忌

    汽车驾驶速成与禁忌

    《汽车驾驶速成与禁忌(新装畅销版)》是在全面透彻研究新《机动车驾驶证申领和使用规定》的基础上,针对汽车驾驶操作技能和驾驶证考试实际需要,以全新的思路、科学的理念,向广大爱车族全面介绍了汽车驾驶基础动作的练习方法和有关道路交通管理常识;并以丰富的汽车驾驶教学经验,重点阐述了汽车驾驶的操作技巧,从而使初学者能迅速掌握汽车驾驶技术,达到事半功倍的效果。在编写过程中,尽量以图解形式,力求通俗易懂、便于理解和掌握。《汽车驾驶速成与禁忌(新装畅销版)》适用于准备学车、正在学车或新驾驶员自学,并可以作为汽车驾驶学校的教材,是爱车族学习开车的良师,是独立驾驶、保证安全的助手,是提高技能、步人高手的阶梯。
  • 明治天皇:孝明帝驾崩卷(下册)

    明治天皇:孝明帝驾崩卷(下册)

    《明治天皇》再现了日本从幕末走向明治维新的历史变革,以优美的文笔,宏大的场景,详细描绘了日本近代决定国运的倒幕运动的整个过程。本书塑造了一个个鲜活的日本近代史人物形象,以及他们的坚定信念,对“安政大狱”、“樱田门之变”等重大历史事件的描述详实生动,是一部了解近代日本不可多得的佳作。
  • 尸心不改

    尸心不改

    控尸门的欢乐二缺弟子江篱炼了一具美得人神共愤引得天雷阵阵的男尸,以为好日子开始了,结果没想到门派惨遭灭门。--情节虚构,请勿模仿
  • 卤味食谱

    卤味食谱

    家庭美食坊丛书》根据四季的特点、不同的家常菜式、南北方的不同饮食习惯,精选了一千多道家常菜。食物搭配具有较强的针对性,富含营养,又有保健功效,让你吃得美味,吃出健康。《家庭美食坊丛书》内容丰富,实用性强,通俗易懂,还有相关的营养知识,是家庭食物调养的有益参考书。
  • 拒嫁男神:总裁滚远点

    拒嫁男神:总裁滚远点

    四年前他的背叛让她仓猝离去,四年后,高高在上的总裁却变成了缠人狗。“舒儿,如果可以我想照顾你。”“不要再来打扰我。”“舒儿孩子需要爸爸。”“不要再来打扰我。”“舒儿我依旧还是爱着你。”她瞪着他,止不住的怒气,“滚远点。”叶之宸无辜的眨了眨眼睛,“滚远了,你肚子里的那只怎么办?”{此文极端虐,极端宠,极端爱,喜着入}新文《宠婚366天:Boss禁止入内》已发
  • 武乡的红色驻地

    武乡的红色驻地

    武乡县是著名的革命老区,拥有丰富的红色旅游资源。在抗战时期,中共中央北方局、八路军总部、一二九师、抗日军政大学等重要机关长期驻扎于此,留下了众多革命历史文物和珍贵的革命旧址。《武乡的红色驻地》主要对全县的革命旧址进行调查和搜集整理,并对团以上机构驻扎过的旧址加以介绍,反映了武乡在中国抗日战争史上的重要地位和历史作用,对进一步研究八路军文化,打造红色文化品牌,推动老区科学发展有着重要的现实意义。
  • 健康是吃出来的

    健康是吃出来的

    一本以中国传统文化为指导思想的健康著作,一本以健康膳食为基本内容的实用操作手册!《健康是吃出来的》根据二十四节气的变化,精选数百种健康膳食,从饮食观念、营养知识、膳食结构、饮食搭配等方面入手,使读者不仅能够获得健康膳食的文化理念,更可以按照书中所提供的粥谱、菜谱、汤谱自己烹饪出一道道美味佳肴,吃出一生好健康。
  • 傻子王爷无情妃

    傻子王爷无情妃

    一只毒蝎子,彻底断送了她年轻的生命!别人只知道,那个软弱没主见的女人被迫嫁给一个痴傻呆闷的七皇子。殊不知,她早已不再是“她”!面对痴傻只会憨笑的美男,她气愤难填!你傻,本美女就医好你,谁知医好后,遭到嫌弃,却换来一纸休书,气愤之下,她恨不得与他同归于尽……
  • 冲喜惑心毒妃

    冲喜惑心毒妃

    国际特工异能组王牌花小懒,代号“花妖”。不慎穿越,醒来竟成了皇武国南城花家的傻子九小姐花闭月,还被人下了药剥光了送到了一个陌生男人的床上。面对面前的绝色美男,某女一点儿也没有口软,天大地大命最大,反正中了药,吃干抹净再说!谁知——未婚夫家族派人来通知,花闭月婚前与人私通,不守妇道,解除婚约!又有痴心五皇子前来求亲,是我劫了你,跟我走吧!更有圣旨一道,将花闭月赐给快死的四皇子,冲喜!花小懒怒了,还以为她是那个傻啦吧唧的九小姐花闭月吗?身怀控花异能,又有家主娘亲给开后门,绝世功法随随便便一本就能驰骋大陆!嫁去冲喜又如何,她发誓,一定要把那快死的四皇子,给彻底的冲死了!可是——为什么这个快要病死的四皇子,不论她怎么折腾,都不死呢?【片段一】“相公,这是我亲手泡的玫瑰花茶,美容养颜,通经活络,调和肝脾,理气和胃…”某女滔滔不绝的介绍着,一脸热情的望着自己那病怏怏的相公。最最关键的是,这茶是她加了料的。保证无色无味,一口下去,一命呜呼,还属于自然死亡。“哦。”皇北辰淡淡的应了一声,接过杯子一饮而尽,完了还倒倒杯子,示意自己喝光了。一分钟,两分钟.一个时辰.看着依旧活的跟个没事儿人的皇北辰,某女的脸色,彻底黑了。【片段二】“相公,皇上看你这么长时间还没死,怕我一个人伺候不了你,所以,送来了一打美女。还有那个花痴了你很久的张尚书家的张小姐哦!你一定不要客气,不然就对不起皇上的一片苦心了!”某女幸灾乐祸的咬着苹果,她可不会说,那其实是她建议皇上这么做的。哼,毒不死你,这么多女人一起上,还炸不死你么!“哦。”皇北辰依旧淡淡的应了一声,好像跟他没有任何关系似的。第二天,某女兴奋的跑到皇北辰的门口验收成果的时候,却发现那一打美女个个有气无力,跟快死了一样…“皇北辰,你…也太猛了吧?”“还是娘子想的周到,军中将士凯旋归来,确实需要赏赐。”某女黑线。【这是扮猪吃老虎的女主,跟一个看似柔弱实则腹黑的男主之间斗智斗勇的故事。谁胜谁负,请看详细内容。简介无力,情节绝对给力!】
  • 当时明月在

    当时明月在

    如风的少年如花的女子情愫暗生,正当青年的爷爷爱上了名份是自己继母的少女花萝。少男少女心绪千转百回,可是乡村伦理正如悬头之剑,如何担起那“乱伦”的骂名……