登陆注册
985700000005

第5章 破茧的蝴蝶 (1)

Broken Butterfly Cocoon

上帝的意思就是让那个大肚子蝴蝶宝贝从那个奇小无比的小口爬出来,那个小窄口在它通过时把它体内的营养液从腹部挤压到翅膀,这样蝴蝶就可以在破茧而出、获得自由的时候展翅高飞了。

Forgiveness宽恕

To forgive may be divine, but no one ever said it was easy. When someone has deeply hurt you, it can be extremely difficult to let go of your grudge. But forgiveness is possible—and it can be surprisingly beneficial to your physical and mental health.

“People who forgive show less depression, anger and stress and more hopefulness,” says Frederic, Ph.D., author of Forgive for Good. “So it can help save on the wear and tear on our organs, reduce the wearing out of the immune system and allow people to feel more vital.”

So how do you start the healing? Try following these steps:

Calm yourself. To defuse your anger, try a simple stress-management technique. “Take a couple of breaths and think of something that gives you pleasure: a beautiful scene in nature, someone you love,” Frederic says.

Don’t wait for an apology. “Many times the person who hurt you has no intention of apologizing,” Frederic says. “They may have wanted to hurt you or they just don’t see things the same way. So if you wait for people to apologize, you could be waiting an awfully long time.” Keep in mind that forgiveness does not necessarily mean reconciliation with the person who upset you or condoning of his or her action.

Take the control away from your offender. Mentally replaying your hurt gives power to the person who caused you pain. “Instead of focusing on your wounded feelings, learn to look for the love, beauty and kindness around you,” Frederic says.

Try to see things from the other person’s perspective. If you empathize with that person, you may realize that he or she was acting out of ignorance, fear—even love. To gain perspective, you may want to write a letter to yourself from your offender’s point of view.

Recognize the benefits of forgiveness. Research has shown that people who forgive report more energy, better appetite and better sleep patterns.

Don’t forget to forgive yourself. “For some people, forgiving themselves is the biggest challenge,” Frederic says. “But it can rob you of your self-confidence if you don’t do it.”

宽恕是神圣的,但是没有人说很容易做到宽恕别人。当你被深深伤害的时候,想要不怀恨在心是很难做到的。但是宽恕是可能的——而且这会给你的身心健康带来出乎意料的益处。

《宽恕的好处》一书的作者弗雷德里克博士说。“懂得宽恕的人不会感到那么沮丧、愤怒和紧张,他们总是充满希望。所以宽恕有助于减少人体各种器官的损耗,降低免疫系统的疲劳程度并使人精力更加充沛。”

那么,如何恢复自己的情绪呢?试试下面的一些步骤吧:

让自己冷静下来。尝试一种简单的减压技巧来缓解你愤怒的情绪。弗雷德里克建议:”做几次深呼吸,然后想想那些令你快乐的事情,比如自然界的美丽景色,或者你爱的人。”

不要等别人来道歉。弗雷德里克说:“许多时候,伤害你的人没有想过要道歉。他们可能是故意的,也可能只是和你看待事物的方式不一样。所以如果你等着别人来道歉,你可能会等相当长的时间。”你要牢记,宽恕并不一定意味着顺从那些让你心烦意乱的人,也不意味着饶恕他或她的行为。

不要让冒犯你的人控制你的情绪。内心里总是想着自己的伤痛,只会给伤害你的人打气。弗雷德里克说:“与其老是关注自己受到的伤害,还不如学着去寻找你身边的真善美。”

试着从别人的角度来看问题。如果你站在别人的立场上,你也许会意识到他或她是因为无知、害怕、甚至是爱才那样做的。为了能够站在别人的角度来看问题,你可以从冒犯你的人的立场给你自己写一封信。

认识到宽恕的益处。研究表明懂得宽恕的人精力更旺盛、食欲更好、睡觉更香。

不要忘了宽恕自己。弗雷德里克说:“对于有些人来说,宽恕自己才是最大的挑战。但是如果你不宽恕自己,你会失去自信。”

Goethe’s Tolerance歌德的容忍

Goethe was once strolling on a narrow path in a park in Weimar. As luck would have it, he met with a critic who was hostile to him. Both of them stopped, staring at each other. Then the critic said, “I’ll never make way for a fool.” “But I will,” with that Goethe retreated aside.

歌德有一次正在魏玛一个公园的一条狭窄小道上散步。碰巧他遇见一个对他怀有敌意的评论家。两人都停了下来,彼此相互对视。接着评论家说道:“我从来不给傻瓜让路。”“可我给。”说完歌德退到了一边。

Not to Blindly Accuse Others不要一味指责别人

How would you answer this question: I am out of my abuse and have moved on with my life. There is something that I have been wondering about. How and when does the abuse stop playing a significant part of my life? I have seen others who have moved on and I would like to know how they did it.

The woman who asked this, asked a valid question. There are many men, women and children who no longer are victims, but feel like they cannot leave it behind. It stays as much a part of themselves as it did while they were being abused. The only difference may be there is no physical or emotional abuse happening in their worlds.

What is victim mentality?

A victim mentality is one where you blame everyone else for what happens in your world. (Another definition not as commonly used is one that says a person thinks the future only holds bad things for them.) If you do not get the promotion it is because Mr. Johnson was out to get you. Not because he found you playing on the Internet every day. Your best friend called and said she could not have dinner with you. She is always doing that to you; not showing. You’ll show her. You won’t invite her when you go out again! Instead of remembering she has just started school and you did call her at the last minute. Victim mentality.

Recently I spoke with someone who no longer lives with a victim mentality. She has gone on with her life and is free from some of the extra baggage that come with being a victim. We discussed forgiving our abusers and how in that process you also need to forgive yourself. With that came loosing the victim mentality.

When she was living under the victim mentality she found herself angrier. She found herself swirling in a sea of resentment towards her abuser. She stayed locked in that cycle and never seemed to move forward. If she got sick, she became angry at him.; If the kids messed up, she became angry at him; He was no longer in the picture, but it was all his fault, It was not hers; he made things this way...Life is easier when you can play the blame game. The blame game makes it easy for your life not to move forward or for you to grow.

同类推荐
  • 流行名人篇(老外最想和你聊的101个英语话题)

    流行名人篇(老外最想和你聊的101个英语话题)

    阅读本书,让你了解当下最流行的欧美文化名人。本书从世界范围内挑选出议论范围最广、影响力最大的名人,覆盖政治、经济、娱乐、商业、艺术等多方面,每个话题都包括背景介绍、常用句子、重点词汇以及一段情景对话。对话涵盖生活的方方面面,语言通俗易懂,所介绍的人物生动而不失深刻。《老外最想和你聊的101个英语话题:流行名人篇》以对话为主,注重口语,让读者不必死记硬背、死啃书本,最后导致“哑巴英语”,在遇到外国人时仍旧张不开嘴。这本书每节都有大量地道的、原汁原味的句子,读者可以在与外国人的日常交流中直接运用。
  • 那些难以忘怀的电影(每天读一点英文)

    那些难以忘怀的电影(每天读一点英文)

    该丛书由美国英语教师协会推荐,特点有三:内文篇目取自中外最经典、最权威、最流行的读本,适于诵读;“实战提升”部分,包括影片赏析、单词注解、脱口而出的句子,在重温经典中轻松掌握地道英语!
  • 我的世界我做主

    我的世界我做主

    《魅力英文:我的世界我做主》为英汉对照典藏版。非常适合中学生、大学生及对英语学习充满热情、抱有热望的人们来了解英文欣赏英文。该书收录了百于则经典哲理美文,其内容涉及青春、爱情、理想等方面,从不同的视角阐释了人生的种种道理。在面临挑战、遭受挫折之时,《魅力英文:我的世界我做主》会给您以力量……
  • 有一种智慧叫包容(英文爱藏双语系列)

    有一种智慧叫包容(英文爱藏双语系列)

    非凡的人生不是无根之木,更不是无源之水。它需要你永不满足,永不懈怠,永不疲倦,永不怯懦,执着地向人生的更高处攀登。你若是一道清渠,生活便是泉眼,把智慧的活水注入了你的血脉;你若是一棵绿树,生活便是土壤,把智慧的矿藏送进你的根系;你若是一弯虹桥,生活便是阳光,把智慧的颜料涂上你的躯体。
  • 英文爱藏:那一年,我们各奔东西

    英文爱藏:那一年,我们各奔东西

    学英语不再枯燥无味——吴文智编著的《那一年我们各奔东西》内文 篇目均取自国外最经典、最权威、最流行、最动人的篇章,中英双语,适 于诵读,提升阅读能力;学英语不再沉闷辛苦——优美的语言、深厚的情 感、地道的英文,让我们在阅读这些动人的绝美篇章时,不仅能够提升生 活质量,丰富人生内涵,更能够轻松提升英文领悟能力,体味英……
热门推荐
  • 擒兽

    擒兽

    薛航捶打着自己有些酸痛的腰——昨晚他的确太纵欲了一点,几乎天亮才睡,夏闻樱柔软的身体让他着迷,她那不是很合作的态度激起了他强烈的征服欲,甚至丧失了他一直引以为傲的冷静,总而言之一句话,他昨晚失控了。失控的后果就是,今天他真的很不想谈公事。“这个项目由你全权负责,为什么又扯上我?”安东尼干脆坐了下来,一拳打在薛航的胸前:“还不是因为人家徐总听说你薛少泡女人很有一套,一心想要跟你会会面,取取……
  • 单亲妈妈古代奋斗史

    单亲妈妈古代奋斗史

    做个母亲不容易,做个穿越便带了球的便宜母亲更不容易。想为娇儿选个爹,是原装的凑和还是外进的优良?怀胎十月儿降生,说得容易怀起来难啊!
  • 三步破天

    三步破天

    逢遭巨变,踏入修道路。但修真界朝生夕死,一念成梦,一念梦醒,一念成空,他走向了巅峰,到达修道者所认为的最高境界---踏天。可最终他却发现踏天三步之后又有破天,那破天之后可还有其他?
  • 天才脑筋急转弯(青少年挖掘大脑智商潜能训练集)

    天才脑筋急转弯(青少年挖掘大脑智商潜能训练集)

    潜能是人类原本存在但尚未被开发与利用的能力,是潜在的能量。根据能量守恒定律,能量既不会消灭,也不会创生,它只会从一种形式转化为其他形式,或者从一个物体转移到另一个物体,而转化和转移过程中,能的总量保持不变。
  • 笙歌

    笙歌

    十六岁的冉笙就像是被所有人严密保护起来的花朵,几乎从未踏出过临水堂一步,他被保护的太好,纯粹的让人心动,却也脆弱的不堪一击。所有的风雨我替你扛,所有的悲伤我为你尝,所有的幸福,为你奉上。情节虚构,切勿模仿
  • 逃爱上上签

    逃爱上上签

    本书已出版上市!(网络原名《被美男追杀:销魂逃亡路》)不是常说美男都会掉下山崖绝处逢生吗!花雅辛苦守在山崖下打算捡个身受重伤的绝世美男回家过日子,没想到掉下来的却是一柄大名鼎鼎的附身宝刀,随后花雅便踏上了被美男追杀的悲惨日子,皇帝王爷少主围着她团团转,却一个都吃不到嘴里……她可是制毒一流的天才铸剑师,看她怎么在这销魂逃亡路中桃花朵朵开!
  • 玫瑰的秘密

    玫瑰的秘密

    希望和记忆的女儿名为艺术,她建造的住所远离那片绝望的战场,在那片战场上,人们在分叉的树上晾挂他们的衣服于是衣服便成了战斗的旗帜。啊,心爱的希望和记忆的女儿,请在我身边停留一会儿吧!
  • 明治天皇:孝明帝驾崩卷(下册)

    明治天皇:孝明帝驾崩卷(下册)

    《明治天皇》再现了日本从幕末走向明治维新的历史变革,以优美的文笔,宏大的场景,详细描绘了日本近代决定国运的倒幕运动的整个过程。本书塑造了一个个鲜活的日本近代史人物形象,以及他们的坚定信念,对“安政大狱”、“樱田门之变”等重大历史事件的描述详实生动,是一部了解近代日本不可多得的佳作。
  • 无敌大小姐

    无敌大小姐

    当现代阴狠毒辣,手段极多的火家大小姐火无情,穿越到一个好色如命,花痴草包大小姐身上,会发生怎样的化学反应?火无情一醒过来就发现,自己竟然在众目睽睽之下上演脱衣秀。周围还有一群围观者。这一发现,让她极为不爽。刚刚穿好衣服,便看到一个声称是自家老头的老不死气势汹汹的跑来问罪。刚上来,就要打她。这还得了?她火无情从生自死,都是王者。敢动她的人,都在和阎王喝茶。于是,她一怒之下,打了老爹。众人皆道:火家小姐阴狠毒辣,竟然连老爹都不放在眼里。就这样,她的罪名又多了一条。蛇蝎美人。穿越后,火无情的麻烦不断。第一天,打了爹。第二天,毁了姐姐的容。第三天,骂了二娘。第四天,当众轻薄了天下第一公子。第五天,火家贴出招亲启事:但凡愿意娶火家大小姐者,皆可去火府报名。来者不限。不怕死,不想活的,欢迎前来。警示:但凡来此,生死皆与火家无关。若有残病者火家一律不负法律责任。本以为无人敢到,岂料是桃花朵朵。美男个个很妖娆一号美人:火无炎。火家大少爷。为人不清楚,手段不清楚。容貌不清楚。唯一清楚的是,他有钱。有多多的钱。火无情语录:钱是好东西。娶了。(此美男,由美瞳掩饰不了你眼神的空洞领养。)火老爷一气之下,昏了过去。家门不幸,家门不幸啊。二号美人:竹清月。江湖人称天上神仙,地上无月。大国师一枚。美得惊天动地。火无情语录:美人好,尤其是自带嫁妆又会预测未来的美人,娶了。(此美男,由东de琳琳领养)三号美人:轩辕子玉。当朝七皇子,游历四国。一张可爱无敌的脸。单纯至极。火无情语录:可爱的孩子好,可爱又乖巧的孩子更好。可爱乖巧又不用给钱的孩子,娶了。(此美男,由刘千绮领养)皇帝听闻,两眼一抹黑。他的儿啊。怎么就这么不争气呢。四号美人:天下第一美男。性格不详,籍贯不详。火无情语录:谜一样的美人,她喜欢。每天都有新鲜感。娶了。(此美男,由告别的爱情li领养。)五号美人:天下第一名伶。火无情语录:解风情的美男,如果没钱花把他卖了都不用调教。娶了。(此美男由伊眸领养。)六号美男:解忧楼楼主。相貌不详,身世不详。爱好杀人。火无情语录:凶恶的美人,她喜欢。娶了。(此美男由陈铭铭领养)七号美男:琴圣。貌如谪仙,琴音杀人。冷清眸子中,百转千回,说尽风流。(此美男由伊眸领养)夜杀:天下第一杀手。(此美男由静寂之夜领养)
  • 唐立淇2013星座运程:天秤座

    唐立淇2013星座运程:天秤座

    过去两年在土星的笼罩下,天秤遭遇许多无妄之灾,只能用倒霉二字形容,遭遇各种莫名的不顺,不能说什么,只能挽起袖子、努力拼了。 2013年是好消息频频的一年,相对于2012年的倒霉运来说,真实山穷水尽疑无路柳暗花明又一村。这有利的局面会持续到2015年,对天秤来说,是值得把握的事业黄金期。