· Shawn ·
It scares us more than anything except death being alone.
Our fear of aloneness is so ingrained that given the choice of being by ourselves or being with others we opt for safety in numbers，even at the expense of lingering in painful，boring，or totally unredeeming company.
And yet more of us than ever are alone.
While many Americans have their solo lifestyles thrust on them—people die，people go away—a huge and growing population is choosing to be alone.
In l955，one in ten U.S. households consisted of one person. By l999，the proportion was one in three. Single men and women accounted for 38.9million of the nation’s 110.5 million households. By l999，single parents with children under the age of eighteen made up 27.3 percent of the nation’s 70.9 million fami1y households. Meanwhile，many more Americans are divorcing. In 1ess than three decades，the number of divorced men and women has more than quadrupled— to a total of l8.3 million in l996，compared to 4.3 miIlion in l970. Never before in American history has living alone been the predominant lifestyle.
Nonetheless，we persist in the conviction that a solitary existence is the harshest penalty life can mete out. We loathe being alone—anytime，anywhere，for whatever reason. From childhood we’re conditioned to accept that when alone we instinctively ache for company，that loners are outsiders yearning to get in rather than people who are content with their own company.
Alone，we squander life by rejecting its full potential and wasting its remaining promises. Alone，we accept that experiences unshared are barely worthwhile，that sunsets viewed singly are not as spectacular，that time spent apart is fallow and pointless .
And so we grow old believing we are nothing by ourselves，steadfastly shunning the opportunities for self-discovery and personal growth that solitude could bring us.
We have even coined a word for those who prefer to be by themselves： antisocial，as if they were enemies of society. They are viewed as friendless，suspect in a world that goes around in twos or more and is wary of solitary travelers.
People who need people are threatened by people who don’t. The idea of seeking contentment alone is heretical，for society steadfastly decrees that our completeness lies in others. Instead，we cling to each other for solace，comfort，and safety.
Ironically，most of us crave more intimacy and companionship than we can bear. We begrudge ourselves，our spouses，and our partners sufficient physical and emotional breathing room，and then bemoan the suffocation of our relationships.
To point out these facts is not to suggest we should abandon all our close ties. Medical surveys show that the majority of elderly people who live alone，yet maintain frequent contact with relatives and friends，rate their physical and emotional well-being as“excellent”. Just as an apple a day kept the doctor away when they were young，an active social calendar appears to serve the same purpose now.
But we need to befriend and enjoy ourselves as well.
We must relearn to be alone. Instead of planting our solitude with dream blossoms，we choke the space with continuous music and chatter to which we do not even listen. It is simply there to fill the vacuum. We can’t stand the silence，because silence includes thinking. And if we thought，we would have to face ourselves.
Let us learn，then，from those in search of what they have not been able to find and hold： peace of mind，gentleness of heart，calmness of spirit，daily joy. Who have come to understand that to know and to love and to be of value to others，they first must know and love and value themselves； that to find their way in the world，they have to start by finding themselves.
享受独处
肖 恩
除了死亡，我们最害怕的就是孤独。
我们如此害怕孤独。以至于让我们选择是独处还是跟别人一起时，我们会选择后者以寻求安全感。甚至不惜付出如此多的代价：长久的痛苦、烦闷，或完全无益的陪伴。
然而，现在，我们却感受到了从未感受过的强烈孤独。
当许多美国人开始单身生活时——因为身边的人去世或离开——一个日益增加的庞大人群开始选择独身。
1955年，美国家庭中有十分之一的单亲家庭。到1999年，这个比例扩大到三分之一。在这个国家里，110 000 000个家庭中单亲家庭占了38 900 000。到1999年，带着一个18岁以下小孩的单亲家庭已经占到了这个国家70 900 000个家庭的27.3％。同时，更多的美国人离婚了。不到30年之间，离婚的人数增加为原来的4倍——到1996年这一数字已经达到18 300 000，而1970年只有4 300 000人。独居史无前例地成为美国主流的生活方式。
然而，我们坚持认为，独居是最残酷的生活方式。我们讨厌独处——无论何时何地，出于何种原因。我们从孩提时候起就习惯认同，独处时的我们会本能地渴望有人陪伴，认为孤独者都是渴望加入群体生活，而非欣然独处的。
独处时，我们是在拒绝生命丰富多彩的可能，并耗费生命存留的希望，是在浪费生命。我们认为，无人分享的经历毫无价值，一个人看到的日出并非那么壮观，一个人度过的时光是多么了无生趣和毫无意义。
于是，当我们年老时，就认为自己无关紧要而倔强地逃避。殊不知这正是我们发现自我和个人成长的机会。
对于那些宁愿独居的人，我们甚至给他们扣上“反社会”的头衔，好像他们是社会的公敌，他们被人们认为是缺少朋友、怀疑这个世界的人。那些结伴同行者警惕地盯着这些孤独的旅行者。
依赖于他人的人受到独立的人的威胁，独自寻求满足的想法被视为异端。因为这个社会固执地认定我们只有置身于他人之中，才能完整。因为我们必须依附于他人来寻求慰藉、舒适和安全感。
可笑的是，我们大多数人所渴求的亲昵关系，已经超出了自己的承受能力。我们吝啬于给自己、伴侣和伙伴足够的空间，使其身心受到限制，然后，又对我们之间令人窒息的关系感到悲哀。
把这些事实指出来，并不是建议我们应该抛弃所有的亲密关系。医学调查证明，大多数老人独居，但与其亲朋好友保持着密切的联系，其身心健康的程度是“良好”。就像在他们年轻的时候，每天吃一个苹果可以不用看医生一样，一个积极的社交活动能产生同样的效果。
但是，我们需要在友好待人的同时，享受独处的乐趣。
