He stopped talking， I didn’t know what was going on in reality， but he knew it， because within the last couple of months he was having trouble breathing. That didn’t bother him much until that moment when he visited a doctor. I looked at his eyes， and I saw his blue coloured eyes blurring into shadows of a dream. I understood what was going on， but I didn’t cry， because I knew if I did， that would really hurt his feelings. I looked at him again and said， “Everything will be just fine； you just have to take proper care of yourself.” Inside of me， the flame of sadness kept burning and I was barely keeping my tears from falling， but I knew I was strong enough to handle myself.
That moment was followed by a joke， which I don’t really remember. In order to make him laugh and make his emotions go away， I began telling some really good jokes. He started to laugh very hard， but he coughed too. That was the last time I saw him laughing that hard， that happy， that sad at the same time.
On the same night I got a call from him， asking me to go and see him， because he wasn’ t feeling very well. We were always there for one another， so I went there. He looked all white， and his blue eyes didn’t seem to be very happy. I was trying to fool myself and kept repeating in my mind that everything was going to be all right. I couldn’t make myself to believe that it was really going to happen.
It was 2： 30 a.m. when he finally told everyone to go and leave the two of us alone. He started talking. “I know what’s going to happen next， but you don’t worry... I’ll be all right， because God is going to take care of me. And don’t be sad. It’s not like we’re not going to see each other again？”
He asked me to hold his hand hard， and he also told me that our friendship will last forever no matter what happens. He gave me a letter and said，“Whenever you feel it’s time to read this， just open it.” I closed my eyes， and within seconds I felt his pulse stop pumping， and a dark cold ran inside of my hands. He just left everything. His blue eyes were already close， and I couldn’t do anything else to make them look back at me.
At that second I couldn’t control myself anymore. The salty tears glided down my face. I didn’t talk. I just went crazy and I started screaming， but I didn’t say a word. I became crazy. I couldn’t breath， because he was the air I was breathing， he was the happiness that was keeping me alive， he was the friend that I respected more than a brother， more than anybody else. And now he’s not there anymore， he’s gone. It’s just the letter and me.
2 weeks had passed after his death， and I was still depressed， angry， sick， and almost lifeless. I couldn’t understand what was going on around me. Everything was an illusion. I wasn’t eating， drinking， nor doing anything. For 24 hours I was lying on my bed， thinking about what am I going to do. I couldn' t talk to anyone， because l didn’t want to. I wanted to be alone all day， remember the good times we had.
And I finally decided to open the letter he gave me. In the letter he said，“Don’t be silly and don’t cry. I know how you feel， but you know what， your life is not over yet. You have to understand that life is tough， and you just have to get used to it， fight it， and get whatever you want. I know that life is beautiful， and I only had a short time to experience it. You got to get yourself ready to continue your life， because only then I can look down at you with pride. You have to understand the fact that you’re the person who makes everyone smile， you share their problems， understand， and love. You have to be yourself. I will miss you， and I know you won’t forget me... I guess this is goodbye， but I don’t want to say that， I’ll just say I’ll see you later.”
After reading the letter， my heart filled with lightness. The idea of continuing my life， as he had said， gave me the power to start everything from the beginning. I learned many lessons from this event. For instance， that true friends can never be replaced by anyone else， and they’re never forgotten. I understood that the friendship is a gift， and nothing in the world can come between real friendship. Yes， I had a lot of emotional disturbances within myself， but at the end， I actually understood that everything happens for a reason. I have accepted the fact that my friend is not with me anymore， but I’m sure that he will always live inside of me. As long as he’s in my memories， he’s part of me， and I take his presence as a source of pride.
与损失几百万美元相比，失去一个无法替代的好朋友要令人伤心得多。那次遭受情感困扰、后来终于释然的经历对我造成了深远的影响，它让我懂得有一些事情是无法忘记的，有一种友谊是无法代替的。当最好的朋友告诉我他患了肺癌时，我的生活彻底改变了。我知道我将要失去他，然而，我没有想到，消除失去他的那种痛苦竟是如此艰难。
我们是朋友，不仅仅是一般的朋友，而是最要好的朋友，这足以解释所有的事情。所有的事情我们都一起做，如踢足球、弹钢琴、弹吉他、在大街上散步、疯玩，从家里逃到一个地方躲起来，周一逃学去准备聚会。
我们一起度过了最美妙的时光，不幸的是，生活带走了这一切。他相信生活，他知道如何逗我开心，他是我生命中非常重要的人。有时候，我会问自己，为什么得癌症的是他，是我最好的朋友。他愿意做一切可能的妥协来巩固我们之间的友谊，他是我心中永远的朋友。
1999年4月14日的夜晚，是我一辈子也无法忘记的日子。他泪流满面地出现在我的面前，看起来悲痛欲绝。我问他：“发生了什么事情，怎么这么难过？”
他缓慢地说：“我快要……我快要……”
他沉默了。事实上，我还不知道将要发生什么，但他知道，因为在生命的最后几个月，他一直呼吸困难。在看医生之前，他并不是很担心。我看着他的双眼，看到他蓝色的眼睛里充满了梦想破碎之后的茫然。我明白发生了什么事，然而我没哭，因为我知道这样只会使他的感情受到伤害。我又看看他，说：“你只要好好地照顾自己，一切都会好起来的。”然而，伤心的火焰一直煎熬着我的内心，眼泪几乎夺眶而出。但是，我知道自己很坚强，能够把悲伤压在心底。
后来，我们讲了笑话，但是我记不清讲的是什么了。为了能够让他露出笑容，帮他赶走伤感的情绪，我开始给他讲一些真正好玩的笑话。他终于开怀大笑，但是也咳嗽起来。那是我最后一次看他大笑，笑得那样开心，也那样悲伤。
当天晚上，我接到了他的电话，他感觉自己情况不好，想要我去看他。我们一直都是彼此陪伴，所以我去了。他肤色苍白，蓝色的眼睛中也没有了以前那种快乐的光彩。我试图欺骗自己，脑子里不断地重复着一切都很好。他确实快要离我而去了，我却无法让自己相信这个事实。
最后，他想我们两个人单独待一会儿，让其他人都离开，那是凌晨2：30。他开始跟我说话：“我明白接下来将要发生的事情，但是别担心……上帝会照顾我的，我将会很好的。不要伤心，我们还会重逢，对不对？”
他要我紧紧地握住他的手，告诉我说，不管发生什么事情，我们的友谊将会地久天长。他给我一封信，并说道：“当你觉得应该看的时候，就把它打开吧。”我闭上了双眼，几秒钟之后，我感觉到他的脉搏停止了跳动，一股寒流穿过我的手掌。他丢下了一切，蓝色的眼睛已经合上了，我再也无法让它们注视着我了。
那个时候，我再也无法控制自己的感情，咸咸的泪水划过脸颊。我一言不发，声嘶力竭地大喊大叫，却一句话也说不出来，就像一个疯子。他就是我呼吸的空气、幸福生活的源泉，没有了他，我再也无法呼吸。他是我所尊敬的一个朋友，这种尊敬超过了兄长和其他任何人。现在，他已经走了，已经不在了，只留下我和那封信。
